Exit plan from pornville and onanism (Part 2)

Porn Recovery

Like I always say, it takes one thought, a few minutes of conversation to set in motion a series of events. In my own case it was just a chat over lunch that led to these series of posts on Masturbation and Pornography. If you are just visiting for the first time you can read up the first two post here and here. I was privileged to get a few people to write in; I’m extremely excited and grateful at the same time. We’ll be viewing porn from a married man and a single lady’s point of view.

NANSAK (He’s one man I respect so much especially his love for his wife and children)

From a christian standpoint, pornography has no pro’s, be you single or married. Pornography is enjoying sexual arousal outside the confines of which it was intended by God, which is marriage; I struggled with porn and masturbation as a single. On getting married, I found that the desire to view porn still existed. I have compromised on a couple of occasions, and it felt like I was cheating on my wife. That was the same effect it had on her; the pain of being cheated on, plus the fact that she wondered if she wasn’t good enough for me.

On the argument that watching together as a couple is supposed to help your sex life, it will do the exact opposite. God will never need evil to accomplish His purposes. He is too holy to stoop to concepts like telling a lie for the greater good. His word is clear – thou shall not lie, the truth shall set you free. Part of the beauty of sex that I have enjoyed as a married man is in the adventure and discovery, and all of this has got to do with trusting God, and asking the Holy Spirit to teach us. It’s been over five years and we’re still discovering new things. Watching porn together will pervert your minds and give you false expectations that will lead to disappointment and frustration, and will turn the sanctity of one of the purest forms of worship into plain grotesque satisfaction of animalistic instincts.

Why would a man that has a willing wife with a body that could pass for a super model sneak out of his bedroom while she slept to go and watch 30mins of midnight hot on Ftv? I think it’s because sin is thrilling. Sin however comes with a price tag that you will not be able to pay, and the devil flaunts the goods without letting you see the price tag. “Don’t worry about it, you can pay later” he says. But when he comes to collect, he collects big.

***

U.A. (She’s one lady who’s sold out to God, not your conventional lady)

Last Christmas, I celebrated one year clean. The thing about addiction is that it creeps up on you stealthily and one day you wake up and realised you are hooked.

The most interesting analogy about the way the devil baits came from a preaching by Mrs Christy Bature-Ogbeifun. She said the devil fished like a white man. You know to the white man, fishing is a sport, not the kind we do for subsistence. When a white man is fishing, he can be at it for hours. When he feels that a fish has caught the bait, he begins to reel it in. If he senses a struggle and the fish is writhing, he releases the reel and lets the fish feel like it is free, but the thing is the bait is still in its mouth. This cycle goes on till the fish is too weak to fight.

 It was Ikebe Super and the porn of the late eighties, I and my older cousin would sneak some magazines from the neighbour upstairs. I was a child but the seeds had been sown. Over the years, I became a Christian but Porn never lost its allure for me. By 2010, I had suffered an intense heartbreak, for the first time I went out to purchase the DVD’s and spent hours watching them. I understood the link between bitterness and defilement (the root of bitterness springing up to defile many…) but that didn’t stop the habit. Then that phase passed.

Fast forward two years later, another period of pain and betrayal followed (not a heartbreak this time), but everything was revived and I gorged myself on X-rated movies and stories. Then I realised that tongue-talking, leg-shaking, child of God, Preacher’s kid, teaching young people me, was addicted to Porn. It didn’t span too long, maybe 3 months but the effect was enormous.

Some people I spoke to laughed it off as a man’s addiction, but I knew it wasn’t. When I got home each evening and reduced the volume to the barest minimum, I was sure I was addicted to Porn and its attendant sins (you know them yourself). It was like a drug, I needed a dirtier dose each time. Sometimes I would cry out to God and repent, we would make progress and then 2 days later, I was back. The attendant sins began to worry me more than the Porn itself.

All through that period I would say to God: “This is bringing shame to your name. The day you finally deem it fit to set me free, please, set me free such that you take away not just the addiction, but the TASTE for it”. One day, 6 days to the end of that year, the Pastor called out for prayers and I went to the altar. No one laid hands on me. The Deacon praying with me simply said: ‘she is a Princess’ and that was it, the dirty slimy demon of porn left, complete with the taste for it.

 After that time, my connection with heaven was swift and I understood why the Enemy strives to make murk up our relationship with God, especially with sexual sin, cos I don’t care what you say, we can’t connect with God when our spirits are defiled. Be it the actual sexual sin, pornography, masturbation or the periphery of sex, we know we were made for more. We know it. God knows it. The devil knows it.

***

When I asked U.A. if she had to do any extra thing after the prayers in church, she gave the most hilarious response ‘I just kept myself pure… avoided touching body’. This may sound funny but it points back to triggers. She knew getting intimate with anyone will feed the desire to indulge in viewing porn.

Steven Handel in his article ‘Urge Surfing: How to overcome addictive behaviours’ has this to say, In mindfulness-based psychotherapy there’s a technique called “urge surfing” that’s used to help individuals overcome addictive and impulsive behaviours. The main assumption behind the technique is that an urge never lasts forever – usually, no more than 20-30 minutes. Individuals can therefore “ride out” these urges simply by becoming more aware of their transient nature. You can read up the full article here.

 It’s amazing to read up people’s experiences and find out your case isn’t peculiar to you alone, someone somewhere has passed through it ‘For no temptation has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man…’ 1 Cor 10:13. There’s help for you, the question is have you admitted you need help? I pray someone out there is receiving healing as well as the courage in making that decision to quit such addictions.

N/B : I’ve had a few offline chats on this topic, especially on the implication of masturbation within the confines of marriage. I’m not a marriage counsellor but in my opinion if your partner is cool with it, then go ahead and rock the boat. Masturbation in all the posts written was directed at the singles.

LOADS OF LOVE

JMAD

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Drug Abuse

 This is the first of many series to come up from Nnamdi, he’ll be chronicling his progress on his journey to victorious living through the help of God. The stories he’ll be sharing are borne out of his personal experiences. Enjoy the rest of it.

                    Say no to drugs!

As a young child, I used to be very critical of King Solomon in the Bible. I did not like the fact that he ‘enjoyed’ life in splendor, wined and dined gracefully, womanized extensively and yet he ended up telling the world that ‘vanity upon vanity, all is vanity’ Why wouldn’t he let me taste the good life and then conclude for myself. I know that several people are still in that school of thought. How foolish I was.

I am not a saint. I am a regular young Nigerian graduate and by age I am well qualified to fall in the youth category. Like so many people out there, I am trying to find my feet. I am plotting the graphs of life, hoping that soon things would take shape. I am normal, like several millions, I have/had addictions, I am fighting them, for example for the past 5years I have been a smoker. Recently, I decided it was time to quit. It has not been easy but facts I read up scared me and I would love to share them.

Health is wealth!  It is as simple as it sounds. Normally, it starts like a joke, then we do it for fun, gradually it becomes a habit, a vice, an addiction, slowly but definitely lives get imprisoned. In the long run, so many destinies get thwarted. Drug-abuse is neither new nor news for me, maybe because I schooled in northern Nigeria. Whether you get high for fun, or when you are angry, frustrated, happy, here’s what we have been doing to ourselves.

Marijuana: The nick names of this plant are numerous and so are the different variations. Whether its local weed or Ghanaian skunk, the effects are all the same. For avoidance of denial it is most commonly called weed. It used to be for ‘bad-boys’ and cultists way back. Today millions of youth are addicted to this drug. We lie to ourselves and claim that God created it and that it is less harmful. Did you know that;

• Marijuana smoking increases chances of cancer by 50-70%. In other words, one joint would cause as much  harm as would five cigarette sticks.

• Studies have shown that Long term use can indeed make people go mad.

• Marijuana kills sperm cells and upsets menstrual cycles.

•Long term use can also affect the children of pregnant women.

•It can also cause leukemia – cancer of the blood

Cigarette:  Like me, so many people use this to ‘step down’ after a joint. Here are the most dangerous facts of smoking tobacco. I think this addiction is demonic because even the producers tell us how dangerous this is. The dangers are numerous. If only we could take an x-ray of our lungs…if only!

• Did you know that smoking harms almost all your vital organs?

• Tobacco related deaths are the leading preventable cause of deaths in the USA.  Cigarette smoking kills 480,000 people yearly in the USA.

• Cigarette makes an individual look older than he/she really is and makes the skin sag, age and dark.

•In Nigeria, 90% of all lung cancer cases were from smoking.

• A stick of cigarette cuts short a life by 9hours and each stick of cigarette smoked makes the possibility of quitting harder.

  • Cigarette smokers are really liable to die young

Codeine:It makes you slow; you are feeling your trips. The short term effects are nowhere as harmful as the long term effects.

•Codeine keeps you totally dependent on it, making it thrice as hard to stop as it is to begin.  Like a spider-web, the deeper one gets into it, the harder it is to get free.

• Codeine and several other substances in cough-syrups make the skin darker

 • Because most people drink cough syrups to get the high of this opium, the tendency of liver failure is very high. Yearly, liver failures in the north have increased by 70%, thanks to coda.

•In the long run most people require surgery to detox their systems, that is if the liver doesn’t fail before the detox is carried out

Rohyphenol:The nick names are numerous, whether you call it rufiz, rochi or blue, it is all the same thing.

• Did you know that blue pill is given to patients in mental homes as anti-depressants? People with mental disorders are put to sleep or made to calm down with the medication.

•In summary did you know that rochi attacks the brain cells making it weak and keeps its abusers at vulnerable states.

 • Long term abuse of this medication leads to severe memory loss.

Crack-cocaine: It could be with the aid of a stem, bunker or outright sniffing. Either ways you are heading for doom.

• 75% of all Nigerians held prisoners abroad are for drug-related offences.

• The feat attacks your finances leaving you broke at all times.

 • Its abusers stand the risk of suffering pulmonary embolism, it killed a popular Nigerian Pop-Star. This “high” is never enough and keeps its users in perpetual misery and poverty.

•Smoking crack-cocaine raises the risks of lung-cancers by 55%.

Possible way out:  This should be a topic on its own, but after extensive research here is a five-step plan on breaking addictions.

  • Admit that is a problem and it requires solution
  • Stay away from places and people that trigger your addiction
  • Find activities to substitute the times you spend getting high
  • Confide in someone who would not judge you, rather would find a way to get help
  • Most importantly, talk to God and seek his help.
  • I concur with king Solomon, because in my 20 something years of life, after I have done and seen so far, all vanity is indeed vanity. If you are struggling to quit may heaven help you, if you are not struggling, please don’t start, share with people who are stuck! Say no to smoking, say no to drug-abuse, say no to cancer!

The End

Isn’t it interesting we see similar ways of breaking free from the addiction. I think this line struck me on cigarette ‘ I think this addiction is demonic because even the producers tell us how dangerous this is’.  May the risen life of Jesus give you victory over any addiction that has held you bound.

LOADS OF LOVE

JMAD.

 

Easter, a message of Love

Cross[1]

It’s another time of the year; many of us look forward to, not necessarily for its significance rather the short holiday it brings; a time for visits, weddings and some good food munching, I’m not exempted; while you are reading this I’m on the road for a relative’s wedding.  In the midst of all these activities we can get carried away and before we know it we are back to our regular lives on Tuesday without taking a moment to reflect on the reason for the season. This blog is all about reflections, so here’s an opportunity to celebrate Easter differently. What does Easter mean to you, I’m not referring to your Church rather on a personal level? What is the significance of the Cross to you?  I asked a few people and I’ll be sharing their thoughts as well as mine, here we go.

Isioma : Easter reminds me of Christ’s love, His story is amazing… He had the power to stop His sufferings, power to destroy mere mortals, yet He was humble. For me it’s a lesson, He carried His cross without complain… I grumble a lot actually; maybe I should always remember Jesus, be humble and carry my cross. The cross symbolises love, NO man can love me more than Jesus, with all my sins, and He’s willing to accept me any day and anytime… to start anew, for my own good. Then He rose from the dead! With Him everything is possible.

Oforbuike : The cross symbolises a place of redemption, the oracle where my strength is drawn, a pointer and an eye opener to the reality of grace.

Eka : How much work have I put in to get Christ’s love? Can I love someone the way God loves me? The way I’m undeserving but He is constant, the way He doesn’t expect me to acknowledge or reciprocate His goodness, the way He respects my position and seeks my opinion over everything, the way I disappoint Him and He forgives without thought and still showers His love, the way He hung there knowing I wouldn’t spare Him a glance but hoping that I would have a change of heart later. Even if I didn’t, he was still willing to give Himself for the slightest opportunity that I would bulge. Easter is not just a show of love, God’s love, it’s an example of love, one that I am expected to follow. I have always thought of Easter in the light of what Christ did for me, today I had a different view being what Christ expects me to learn from Him to do for others.

Easter symbolises the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Without Easter there’s really no Christianity, the world waited to know if Jesus would resurrect as earlier prophesied. The cross gives me the ability to live above sin through the help of the Holy Spirit, I have direct access to the Father through the Blood shed on the cross, I understand forgiveness and I’m getting better at forgiving people.  How can you explain, a Man restoring the ear of a soldier who came to arrest Him, or praying for forgiveness over those who had crucified Him. I have understood, if I’m offended it’s my responsibility to seek out peace and even apologise when it’s not convenient. The whole message of love rises and falls on Jesus Christ, He loved me even before I was born, He forgives me when I sin even when He knows I may repeat it again. I don’t have to be clean to come to Him, He loves me anyway and His arms are forever stretched out to welcome me back when I fall out of line. Such great LOVE!!!

What’s your story? You can share it with your family, friends or drop a few lines in the comment section. Remember all these people are not perfect but they know a perfect God who loves them in spite of their shortcomings. May the joy and liberty Jesus brought, rest and overshadow you this season and always.

LOADS OF LOVE

JMAD

Exit plan from pornville and onanism (Part 1)

Porn

It’s amazing how a simple conversation can birth many issues. I recently wrote a post on Pornography and Masturbation, you can read it up here. It was supposed to be a research but I didn’t think I’ll be writing a sequel on ways of living above the addiction. At the end of the research, I realised the addiction to Porn and Masturbation wasn’t just the regular addiction of going to rehab but it was a jail sentence, incidentally many people are bound by it and it’s tearing people apart and destroying lives and families. I decided to speak to a few people who I know have been through it and have won the battle. Amazingly one of the pastors, (who’s in charge of the Youth Church of my local church) I wanted to speak to concerning it, did an extensive teaching on Addictions in church that day (talk about God orchestrating everything). I have taken his permission and I’ll be sharing it.

I’m sure you’re wondering if a pastor’s teaching on addiction can be beneficial, well after a research I found out his teaching was in sync with that of a psychotherapist, so let’s get on with his message.

Porn Recovery

Pastor Wilson

 He started with how a medical doctor and a university lecturer died as a result of smoking; he kept on asking why people will let addictions prevent them from fulfilling their destiny. I’ll modify it since the message was originally for the youths. Before we proceed we need to agree on what an addiction is. Addiction can’t be mentioned without habit; habit is what  is done repeatedly whether positive or negative, once the habit gets to the point were you can’t control it, an absence of it brings about sickness; you suddenly become dependent on it, that’s a clear indication of addiction. He was addicted to Masturbation and Sex but after becoming born-again, he lived free through the Holy Spirit for 5 years until he got married. Romans 6: 16 “Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” When we can’t control our actions, we become slaves to that particular action in this case porn and masturbation. He admitted winning the battle was difficult but it’s possible.

Ways of breaking free

  1. Identify the addiction : – Stop living in denial, many people give excuses why they are engaging in it and can come up with phrases like ‘I can stop when I want to’.
  2. Acknowledge it is destructive to your life.
  3. Tell someone you respect, sin thrives in secret.
  4. If it’s beyond your ability and the person you’ve spoken to, seek professional help.
  5. Go to God in prayers (This is only for Christians). He said this is the most effective but least used. Get your scriptures, confess it repeatedly, and stay in faith. He shared the story of a pastor who started smoking at 13 and was addicted, he grew up in church even went to Bible college but continued smoking. One day he came across a scripture Mark 11:22-23 and started confessing it; for every time he confessed it, he smoked the more but he never stopped. After 3 months he was going to class in Bible college, God told him to tell his teachers in class to pray and lay hands on him which they did, nothing extra-ordinary happened, he went back to his dormitory and the urge came over him again but when he lit the cigarette, an awful smell he couldn’t tolerate over-whelmed him and he felt like throwing-up, that was his last stick. It’s over 20 years and he has never tasted a cigarette.
  6. Replace the old habit with a profitable habit, nature abhors a vacuum. Matt 12: 43-45 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.’’
  7. Get accountability partners. It could be a friend who you trust and won’t run you down but will help you through the journey. Give them the right to ask you any question or rebuke you when necessary.
  8. Avoid every opportunity for the addiction to thrive, create barriers. There are some softwares you can install on your electronic device to prevent porn sites, they include but  not limited to the following, http://www.cyberpatrol.com, http://www.cybersitter.com, http://www.netnanny.com. He gave an instance when he travelled out of the country and in his hotel room he stumbled upon a porn site on TV, he found himself torn between viewing it (after all no one was there with him, no one would know) and changing it, Glory be to God he changed the channel and found out he had the same channel in Nigeria but didn’t know cos’ of the time difference. By morning he called his wife to report himself and asked her to call the Satelite company to delete that channel from their subscription.
  9. Be patient, the addiction was cultivated over a period of time; it’ll be difficult to end it immediately. (Remember the pastor who kept on confessing for over 3 months).

I hope this blessed you as much as it did, the day the message was preached. The beauty of this message is, it cuts across all forms of addiction.

N/B: I have testimonies from people who have won the battle over the addiction of porn and masturbation, I’ll be putting it up next week by God’s grace and if you want to have your story shared you can send me an email at ccogbogu@yahoo.com. It’s a collective responsibility and we’ll win this battle with the help of God.

I am pretty excited at the post coming up on the 21st of April, Easter Monday. A story of a young man who will be sharing his story on drug abuse. .  He recently rededicated his life to God; he’ll be sharing his transformation weekly with us. Easter Monday represents Jesus’ victory over death. I’m trusting God to minister through that post.

LOADS OF LOVE

JMAD

Loads of Love