The journey to Pornville and the acts of Onanism

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Growing up we were taught to keep quiet while eating but for some funny reason lunch has become a place for meetings or chats. A few weeks ago while having lunch with my colleagues a topic was brought up and we kind of had a divided house, some agreed it was ok to indulge while others disagreed. I hate ignorance and half-truths; I decided to do a little research on my own as well as a questionnaire to get different opinions. So let’s cut to the chase.

For the benefit of others I’ll explain the two terms; Masturbation is the manual stimulation of the genital organs of yourself or another for sexual pleasure while Pornography is the explicit depiction either in writing, pictures or films to stimulate sexual desire. Incidentally I came across the word Onanism as a synonym for masturbation, I’m sure the name rings a bell for Bible scholars Gen 38:9 (Tradition demanded Onan to bear children with Tamar his late brother’s wife and he didn’t like the idea, so he spilled his semen on the ground when he slept with her) while Pornography was derived from the Greek word porni (prostitute) and graphein (to write) was originally defined as any work of art or literature depicting the life of prostitutes.

But whose business is it if I choose to pleasure myself or view some magazines or see a movie. I decided to do an opinion Poll with a few friends; some married, single, male and female and these are some of the responses:

Akachi – So on the surface, absolutely nothing is wrong with masturbation and watching pornography, I mean, it’s just me giving myself some desired satisfaction just how I like it, when I like it no fuss! There is no blood transfusion involved, no semen and no exchange of saliva or whatever else is involved with having sex with a second, third or fourth party it’s just me, what could be wrong with that? Does the act of masturbation and watching porn come from a pure thought? When I’m done with the act, does my spirit leap within with shouts of praise to God?

Judith – Masturbation could be disgusting when one achieves sexual satisfactionby touching his/her self while on the other hand it’s a form of sexual stimulation for ladies who have different levels of sexual satisfaction. Pornography is ok if it’s viewed by couples to improve their sexual performances.

Tony – Masturbation brings about imbalanced emotions, inferiority complex towards the opposite sex and can lead to addiction. Many men are fighting it but will never divulge it except there’s real intimacy and trust between their partners to confess it.

Ogenna – They’re both wrong, porn is just a bus to masturbation or fornication.

Nnedinma – For any form of sexual satisfaction outside marriage is wrong, it shouldn’t be self-acquired either.

Ngozi – When one walks with God masturbation is a sin against one’s body. He didn’t intend for us to pleasure ourselves that way, that’s why He made male and female. It brings thoughts of sex and the urge to act upon it. We need to understand how God intends for us to enjoy sex, anything outside is a deviation.

Femmetotale – Masturbation makes people selfish about sex, more interested in getting pleasure while sex should be more about giving pleasure.

Adannaya – Porn has helped in sustaining marriages that lack good sex and it reduces the chances of cheating although it’s a sin cos people who engage are as good as fornicators.

Nnezi – They are demonic cos they are perverted and away from what sexuality means in the Biblical sense.

Now we’ve heard a few let’s look at it from another angle. Some religions have this to say, Islam The Qur’an 24:30 states “Tell the acknowledging men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts, for that is purer for them. God is fully aware of what you do” It is haram (forbidden) to expose your private parts. Christianity Matthew 5:27-28 ‘You have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart’. When we are viewing porn or masturbating what thoughts are in your head? Judaism Traditional Jewish laws of modesty require Jewish women to be modestly dressed: so pornographic modeling and pornographic acting are forbidden for women. The (halakhah) states that sexually arousing images are normally to be avoided.

Psychologically during porn viewing, the brain releases a tidal wave of endorphins and other powerful neurochemicals like dopamine (which helps in the transmission of signals in the brain and other vital areas), norepinephrine and serotonin. These natural “drugs”� produce a tremendous rush or high. Someone said watching porn is like swallowing a pill that induces hunger after you have eaten. It traps the person in a vicious cycle of never ending desire, exhausting the person’s body and mind. It rewires the brain.

Medically I found out masturbation helps in relief through ejaculation, eases tension but I equally found out it lowers sperm count resulting in impotence.

As a kid I viewed some porn magazines but I had to hide to view it, in fact growing up it was a taboo if you were caught watching a “blue film” (wonder why it was given that name) but all that has changed now. We are all exposed to porn either through music videos, on magazine stands, adverts on web pages, chat rooms. The truth is everyone is stuck with this outbreak; the only dividing line is choice but what of our little ones. An interview with a former pornographer said he always had Viagra on hand for the extra assistance needed to perform as the scenes became more technical to shoot (and this broke me) ‘most of the female actresses are all damaged (e.g. histories of sexual or emotional abuse). In a 2004 testimony before the United States Senate, Dr. Jill Manning shared some interesting data regarding pornography and relationships. In her research she found that 56 percent of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites. A 2012 survey of porn actresses showed 79% of porn stars used marijuana, 50% have used ecstasy, 44% have used cocaine and 39% have used hallucinogens while an ex-porn star said men and women in pornography do drugs cos they can’t deal with the way they are being treated.

I could go on and on with the shocking information I got on this topic. I wouldn’t want to impose my opinion on you but let’s not forget the following –

  • Most porn stars have previous cases of abuse.
  • Sex was created to be enjoyed between couples within the confines of marriage, masturbation creates an illusion of personal satisfaction which may seem harmless but after a period of time guilt sets in after each act.
  • Porn has been attributed to the cause of 56% cases of divorce.
  • Porn stars are usually induced with drugs to enable them perform in such ways which isn’t normal, expecting your partner to act in such way without the drugs will leave you disappointed, besides you can’t look at two porn stars and think if you touch me the same way we’ll experience sexual fulfilment, we are all wired differently.
  • Wives who found out their husbands viewed porn felt betrayed.
  • Porn addiction isn’t easy to erase, if you are addicted to nicotine you can go through rehab or detox but with porn it’s different. The images are already registered and a thorough renewal has to take place. A lot of sexual violence has been attributed to exposure of porn.
  • Are you a man viewing porn? If the tables were turned would it be upsetting to see your daughter as one of the actresses? Some women think it’s dehumanising.
  • You may think viewing it is harmless but with each click you’re enriching the business, giving the producers more reasons to scout for more actresses and life’s a circle.

Guess this is the longest post I’ve written so far, I hope you got something out of it but above all, whatever we find ourselves doing, we should always remember to do it to the glory of God.

LOADS OF LOVE

JMAD

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Now I have the NNPC job……..

I just had my induction training with NNPC; it was indeed a dream come true. You don’t know how long I’ve prayed to get a job there, the entire package is amazing, looking forward to the salary and trainings. Rumour has it, I’m entitled to an upfront of my housing allowance. Now that’s what I’m talking about……….

I was told as a child to keep my virginity for my husband; I made it my No. 1 priority throughout my high school days to stay away from boys, moved into college and I kept up with it. People often said I was rude especially the guys but I laughed at all of them, even if I was rude my husband would love me cos’ he married me a virgin. Now I’m married and I hardly see him at home……..

I’ve always admired Blue Coloured plate numbers, especially the preferential treatment given to diplomats at the airport, Oh dear!!! It created a desire in me to work with the United Nations. My desire was fulfilled but I go to work every day and come back feeling empty…..

Reading through the 3 scenarios, they all sound great in fact most people pray and fast to work either in NNPC or the United Nations but it’s sad the dreams just end there. Some ladies were given a false understanding of chastity; hence they think they are doing their husbands good by keeping it forgetting it’s really about you and preserving your body to keep it pure for the Holy Spirit to reside in. Let’s not forget there were  5 foolish virgins mentioned in the Bible; you may have been chaste all your life but empty on the inside, you get married and make a complete mess of yourself, no housekeeping skills, respect has been thrown to the wind cos’ you happen to be the only “virgin” existing.

I’ve been thinking recently and one night I kept on saying, there has to be more; beyond having a regular paying job there has to be more. Have I stopped dreaming, am I just existing, how many companies have I set up and how many people have been empowered, how many houses have I built and given out, how many people have I sent to school??? Was I just created to go to school, get a job, meet this TDH guy, get married, have kids, live for some years maybe 70 and die…. God Forbid.

What will the world remember me for when I’m gone? What will be written on my tombstone? A friend George Akomas, recently put up an article on his Obituary, you can read it up here. Some people didn’t like the idea but truth is we are all going to die someday if rapture doesn’t take place before then and we have to start thinking.

What are those ideas you have? You’ve got to step out “Don’t let the fear of striking out, prevent you from playing the game” and trust me it’s not going to be easy to step out but you have to; most of us are scared and it’s okay to be scared cos’ the dream is bigger than us, if you could handle it all by yourself then it’s a simple walk in the park. Stepping out to the unknown is risky, filled with uncertainties but like Bishop T.D. Jakes put it in the message” Living with the threat of failure” it takes courage to step out coupled with the voices on the inside screaming you might fail, this often drives us back to the familiar, a safe place we have always known.

This is a wake-up call for all of us, there’s so much more to achieve. Don’t just exist, LIVE!!!

LOADS OF LOVE

JMAD

Moving forward

I was on Facebook a while ago and saw pictures of a family friend and his fiancé; I instantly said in my heart, does this lady know who she’s marrying. Here’s a brief story the guy had done something in the past, really bad, the kind of thing my people call alu (Taboo). We lost touch, can’t say what has been happening in his life, maybe he has repented and turned a new leaf cos’ I often see him write a few stuff on Facebook. Truth is, after muttering my thought on his engagement based on my holier-than-thou attitude I felt uneasy and I knew it had to be the Holy Spirit.

Flaws 2

I realised I’m not good at forgetting past events; I discussed it with a friend and he asked, the few who hurt you, have you forgiven them and I’m like yes but somehow I still remember them for what they did and it kind of beclouds who they’ve become. I was caught in the middle of 2 cousins I’ll call Chris and John who are both my friends regarding something similar. Chris had suddenly changed and wanted John to change too but the approach was a problem cos’ John felt he was been judgemental over him. I remember telling Chris we shouldn’t be quick to forget where we are coming from, at some point he was on the other side of life but looking back at my thought concerning my family friend I totally forgot the life I live is really about God’s mercy.

Flaws 4

We are often quick to condemn abortion but when the lady chooses to keep the pregnancy, eventually gives birth she’s stigmatised. We refer to her as the one who gave birth out of wedlock even when she has changed and moved into her husband’s house. For some funny reason we don’t forget easily but then again to whom much has been given much is expected. We have been forgiven a whole lot of times, interestingly God still knows we may fall again and He doesn’t love us any less. Abimelec was to be destroyed for taking Abraham’s wife although Abraham lied that Sarah was his sister but God spared him and even told him, Gen 20:7b “for it was I (God) who kept you back from sinning against me“. Can we cut someone some slack? Can we see people for who they are at the moment and not who we knew them to be in the past? Can we give room for people’s flaws? Can we not bring up people’s past with our friends and associates? Can we stop being judgemental and correct out of love?

Flaws

I’m not yet there but I choose to start seeing people differently. Something I picked along the way and I think it can be useful, whenever faced with similar situations just say a word of prayer over them. Truth is many of them may have changed and moved on and we are still carrying who they used to be on the inside, when Paul who was a Christian-assassinator got converted, many people didn’t believe him even some of the disciples had mixed feelings, so don’t go killing yourself cos’ you feel a certain way towards someone who had a not so good past rather start from now to look out for who they’ve become even as you ask God to help you with accommodating their change. “Friends don’t get me wrong; by no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward – to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back” Phil 3:13 MSG

LOADS OF LOVE

JMAD

Rooting for the devils; just believe

The past weekend was really fun in some way; some activities entered my book of firsts while some got me laughing real hard. I ended it by spending the evening with a family I respect so much. Here’s the funny part I’ve always seen my aunt as really prim and proper just picture an image of the Queen of England (now you get my drift). I had heard she loves football but never really seen her watching any of the matches until yesterday. OMG!!! She was screaming and jumping up, you have no idea how the sight felt. She’s a Man Utd fan but was rooting for Wigan to beat Man City, she already told her 8 year old daughter and 6 year old son to start praying for Wigan, for some funny reason her daughter took to her side while her son said no, and even prophesied an 89th minute goal by Man City. We all know how inquisitive kids can be, her daughter asked why and she said Man City is our enemy and we are the Red Devils, the little girl started binding and casting when she heard devil (I don’t blame her at all) well her mum had to explain what she meant. While she was rooting for Wigan (which was indirectly for Man Utd) she told her husband just BELIEVE, incidentally it’s the slogan for Wigan and it felt ironic but at the same time appropriate for the game.

Red Devils

It felt ironic cos the devil always comes to counter what we believe as Christians  isn’t it why the temptation of Jesus was tied to His belief as the Son of God. We are one month away from the end of the first quarter of the year; some of us have started off with the plans we made for the year, some are in the pipeline while others are scared to start off cos the plans look overwhelming. I went through a similar phase recently, I had this thought of starting off a little fellowship in my office but it had never been done before I was going to be the pioneer and I was scared so I shoved it aside. I’ve been serving in the Youth Church for over 16 months; recently I was asked to join the teaching department. I was excited but after our training I was scared (whatever I said to them had the potential of affecting their lives), my heart probably sang the national anthem from the beatings on Saturday night. I finally got to class and was fidgeting, gave out my Bible to a student who didn’t have and when I tried to unlock my phone to use the Bible I entered in wrong password twice cos my hands were shaking *smh.

keep-calm-and-believe-in-god-18

In the midst of all that I kept on reminding myself it wasn’t about me rather about God and whoever He calls He definitely equips the person, after a few minutes I was relaxed and the class was interactive and did I mention we had our first fellowship in the office on Friday. You know the devil’s tool is doubt, many of us have amazing ideas but we are scared to step out. It may not be starting a fellowship, it could be business, furthering your education, starting a school/NGO/Skills Centre, applying for contracts worth millions etc and we all get stuck in planning without execution. When I stood before those young people the devil kept on throwing in doubts, will I be able to pass any message to them, will they understand me since I talk fast, what if I’m asked a question and I don’t have the answer, but I remembered it wasn’t about me. Truth is I’m still learning I don’t even have the answers to all of life’s questions but I choose to trust God to come through for me every step of the way.

While rooting out the devil from our plans we have to believe God and trust Him. Are there plans you made and they look way too big for you, you’ve tucked the idea under all your books in fact you’ve buried it, here’s a little advise so long as it’s a good plan you’ve got to go dig it up and start again. You may have to go back to the drawing board to re-strategize, we were not created to just exist, don’t be another world population statistics, you were created for more. Question is, what is your goal, if the plan doesn’t work, change the plan with the goal still in perspective.

N/B: I enjoyed the game on Sunday and I’m thinking of the club to join although I already have an Arsenal JMAD crested jersey at home, so I’m open to recommendation.

LOADS OF LOVE.

 JMAD