Man in the 21st Century by Ben

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The world is changing, human is evolving…….

In my view, who is the 21st century man?

He is one that recognizes that he is human and that’s it!

He understands that males & females are human and none is more superior than the other.

He is willing to lead or let another take the lead – male or female.

He is not threatened by the female species

He accepts that a female partner is a co-pilot and not a support or mere help. 

He understands that he is only half of the equation! She is the other half and no half is more important than the other.

He understands that submission is a 2-way street! We are submissive to each other.

A real man will empower his female partners, friends & relatives to grow!

He becomes the wind beneath their wings!

He allows a woman a voice – yes, she is human too!

“don’t argue with a woman” – that is a phrase he does not acquiesce to at all!

“she is only a woman” – that is a phrase he detests!

“women are the weaker vessels” – that is a phrase he doesn’t believe at all!

 For him, marriage is partnership! It is team work and all team members are equally important!

It is not a military camp where the man is the commandant!

He treats his wife with the same respect he accords his great friends.

He understands the significance of being nice over being right!

He engages reason – not sentiments or ego.

He takes charge – not take control!

So, we live in a world where many things are happening!

The real man’s job is to be a real man! And a real man evolves!


Ben is a man I admire, he’s married to a 21st century woman who is strong and has a thriving career. Ben is not threatened by his wife. Be like Ben


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If you knew?

It was a Saturday morning, while doing my laundry I remembered I had a couple of fabrics with my tailor. I immediately put a call to him, hoping to get a date to come pick up my completed clothes. A little digression, I have this loving relationship with my tailor; Morris. We’ve had this thriving relationship since 2010 (It’s unusual to keep a relationship that long with tailors). I haven’t been able to patronize any other one in my city. In the midst of the many disappointments with tailors he has managed to keep ours hot with his creativity.

But on this particular Saturday, Morris wasn’t too excited on the phone, his wife had had a miscarriage a while ago which I was aware of but was having some complications coupled with the unending bleeding. I had never heard Morris that scared before, in his words “Madam CJ, I don’t want my wife to die”. She needed a surgery and he wasn’t able to foot the bill, while he was running off the phone to go raise the money something prompted me to help. I sent some money, he wasn’t expecting it cos’ he didn’t ask me for help (thankfully I already had his account details). Oh!!! he was excited when he called me that evening, thinking back I think he was both stunned and shocked.

I was already looking forward to hearing from him that his wife was back home. On Tuesday I had a language exam, just finished the first part and waiting for the next stage. I get a notification on whatsapp “I have lost my wife, she died on Friday last week. May her soul rest in peace IJN”. Oh dear!!! I instantly felt angry and then empathy for Morris and his cute 20 month old son. I was angry cos’ I knew how much he tried to save his wife. I remembered the fear he had of loosing her. I remembered all the money raised to perform the surgery. I was silently angry at God He didn’t help her. In the midst of all of those emotions I hear my silent question “If I knew she wasn’t going to survive would I have still helped him”?

Me before you

I have often wondered why a family would keep one on life support even when the doctor has said the patient is unresponsive, why a mother would go the extra length to give birth to a child the doctor has said doesn’t stand a chance of survival as a result of a health condition. I saw the movie Me before You and I could see how much Will’s parents were willing to give their son the best after his accident. “I will never, ever regret the things I’ve done. Because most days, all you have are places in your memory that you can go to.” I am reminded of Little Kenny that united people of different tribes and religion.

I’m typing this post at 3.00 a.m and I just had my me-time where I talked to God. I have finally allowed myself to feel the loss, to let out the tear and to tell God thank You I was able to help. Truth is we all get to this phase in our lives. You invested a lot in a business a relationship or even the health of a loved one. Probably sleeping in the hospital and in most cases on the floor cos’ there was only one bed and you wake up one day and find out he/she is gone. I can never know how you feel but I know you made a change in the last days of the person, you gave hope, you often cracked a joke and even in the pain felt, a little giggle was heard. If you’ve lost someone I pray God comforts you in a way no one can, I pray you find the courage to grieve and not bottle up your emotions and I pray your strength will be revived in Jesus Name. And like Morris said “Many thanks, may God reward you for your support. You’re truly a God sent”.

Loads of Love


Photo Credit : Google Images

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Man in the 21st Century by Ogechi


So Much Noise!

There is a silent murmur and grumble along the aisle of manhood; people complaining about all the noise generated by certain “feminists”, many of whom do not even understand the feminism concept itself. Many of the menfolk who grew up in a culture of “the females are for the kitchen and the other room” are quietly getting worried about the feminist revolution and what might result.

On the other side of the divide are those who identify with the Revolutionists, many of them not having all the details of the course. Women, men, teenagers, old and young. A few of whom see this as a way of rebelling against religion. Yes, RELIGION, which all seem to share same views about woman / females and the need to keep them in submission / subjection. There is so much noise and no one is calm enough to seek better understanding of who the woman / female is.

Strangely, we will be looking at this totally from pictures painted by events in the scriptures. Stay with me to at least halfway. That’s all I ask.

Who is the Man?

First of all, God never named man “Man”. Adam did. The word Man (Ish) first appeared in the scriptures after the woman was created.

                “This is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman (ishah) for she came out of Man(ish)”

Before then, every mention of Man is actually “Adam”. And in Adam, God actually created male and female. Equal beings. No separation. Same roles.

So then, who is the Man? Let us first know the Woman.

The Woman here is the one that already has her “ish”. The issue of headship in a marriage was instituted for order. That does not define the female.

You can almost understand where I am going.

We have a being here who has dual role. In her relationship, she has a partner who by design and order is the head/face of that relationship.

To the world / society, she is a female, having same limelight, roles and capabilities as the male. Same strengths and weaknesses. Because, she and he are in “Adam”.

A lack of understanding of this drove the world into having the same roles assigned to the woman and the female. This is a grave error, and the crux of the matter. If there is an identity crisis, it should do with our perception of the woman / female.

Who is the Man in the 21st Century?

The man should first understand who the woman / female is. That makes his job easy.

Therefore, the physiologically balanced and happy 21st century man must understand that:

  • The male and female are same and equal in the society, sharing similar roles and capabilities and have nothing to do with gender;
  • The woman in the relationship is one who has chosen who is held responsible in her relationship This is purely for the sake of instituting order. If it does not suit her, she can just decide to remain only a female. A strong one at that;
  • The man in the society is not merely in competition with his kind, but with females too;
  • The man in the home / relationship will always be held responsible for outcomes in the home only, and not the society;
  • Society deals with male/female (simply called Adam) while the relationship / home deals with man and woman.

A man or woman that properly understands and embraces this knowledge will be better prepared for life in the 21st century.


Ogechi is my virtual friend but it feels like I’ve met him before. His family reminds me a lot of mine while i was growing up. He has three amazing Princesses and one Prince with a doting wife he adores. So when he talks about the Man, I listen cos’ he fully understands who he is and he is African too. He hasn’t let cultural, religious or social bias influence his thought pattern. Thank you Ogechi for showing the world we still have Men like you existing.

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Man in the 21st Century and the women who love them

It was one of those Sunday rides after Church Service with a friend. From discussing the sermon to a female friend of his. This shouldn’t make headlines but something he said struck a chord with me. This lady friend of his visited him in a “big” car and he found it threatening to men (Not him though, cos’ he wasn’t interested in her). He’s not alone in this line of thought, a colleague reiterated this claim when I mentioned the kind of cars I like. In his words “it will drive men away”.

Ursula von der Leyen, Nikki Haley, Chioma Ukonu. These names may just be other  names but look closely, Ursula is the German Minister of Defense, wife and mother to seven (7) children, Nikki is the US Ambassador to the UN, wife and mother of two while Chioma is running a foremost Nigerian Recycling Company with her husband and has three children. If you’re still wondering what my point is with all these information just stay with me a little longer.

I grew up in a home with just my two sisters, there was never a time the place of our gender affected what we could or could not do. We practically lived lives to the fullest, if we had to race the boys in our streets on our bikes we did, if we had to slide down on the corridor, we did just that. When it was time for undergraduate studies our gender wasn’t a determining factor ; we studied Metallurgical Engineering, Geophysics and Electrical Engineering respectively. All thanks to my Father and Mother who were the wind behind our wings and haven’t changed.

But I’ve often heard some comments from people when I run my ideas with them, you’re too ambitious, you’re a woman, you need to take it easy, and you’ll chase men away. I remember a guy asking me why I wasn’t a primary school teacher (this isn’t to undermine the teaching profession) to enable me come back from work around 2 p.m. to take care of my children. at that time he was a prospect and I asked him what of the father, his response “You’re an African woman, when you people travel abroad you forget this”.

Dear woman.jpg

In a conversation with an acquaintance the issue of the equality between male and female came up. He went straight to remind me he’s a Bible believing Christian by quoting “The woman should be submissive to the man” (he didn’t know where it was written in the Bible). On the premise of his sermon to him, he went further to say the woman is inferior to the man using the most appropriate illustration – Star Radler and 33 Star Lager Beer. The alcohol content is 2.00 and 5.10 percent respectively. Radler representing the women while 33 was for the men, I went on to ask him what content was more in the men. At the time of this writing he hasn’t given me an answer yet.

What does it mean to be an African woman? Are women truly inferior to men? What does the Bible mean in Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him” Genesis 5:1b – 2 “When God created man, He made him in the likeness of God. Male and Female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man…”. Can women break glass ceilings and still be wives and mothers for those who choose to? If these women are breaking glass ceilings do we have a generation of men who are threatened by them?

A man I respect said something profound. In the past, men were the hunters but now we have women who are going out to hunt too. The career path chosen by many women is giving them a platform they never had before. I know I was created for so much more, I’m trying to make sense of all of that and at the same time coming to terms with the reality that there’s really no limitation except the one I choose to place on myself as a result of Cultural or Social bias. In the next couple of days I’ll be putting up articles written by Men and Women on these issues. I hope this challenges what you have thought and believed both as a Man and Woman.

Loads of Love


Photo Credit : Google

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