If you knew?

It was a Saturday morning, while doing my laundry I remembered I had a couple of fabrics with my tailor. I immediately put a call to him, hoping to get a date to come pick up my completed clothes. A little digression, I have this loving relationship with my tailor; Morris. We’ve had this thriving relationship since 2010 (It’s unusual to keep a relationship that long with tailors). I haven’t been able to patronize any other one in my city. In the midst of the many disappointments with tailors he has managed to keep ours hot with his creativity.

But on this particular Saturday, Morris wasn’t too excited on the phone, his wife had had a miscarriage a while ago which I was aware of but was having some complications coupled with the unending bleeding. I had never heard Morris that scared before, in his words “Madam CJ, I don’t want my wife to die”. She needed a surgery and he wasn’t able to foot the bill, while he was running off the phone to go raise the money something prompted me to help. I sent some money, he wasn’t expecting it cos’ he didn’t ask me for help (thankfully I already had his account details). Oh!!! he was excited when he called me that evening, thinking back I think he was both stunned and shocked.

I was already looking forward to hearing from him that his wife was back home. On Tuesday I had a language exam, just finished the first part and waiting for the next stage. I get a notification on whatsapp “I have lost my wife, she died on Friday last week. May her soul rest in peace IJN”. Oh dear!!! I instantly felt angry and then empathy for Morris and his cute 20 month old son. I was angry cos’ I knew how much he tried to save his wife. I remembered the fear he had of loosing her. I remembered all the money raised to perform the surgery. I was silently angry at God He didn’t help her. In the midst of all of those emotions I hear my silent question “If I knew she wasn’t going to survive would I have still helped him”?

Me before you

I have often wondered why a family would keep one on life support even when the doctor has said the patient is unresponsive, why a mother would go the extra length to give birth to a child the doctor has said doesn’t stand a chance of survival as a result of a health condition. I saw the movie Me before You and I could see how much Will’s parents were willing to give their son the best after his accident. “I will never, ever regret the things I’ve done. Because most days, all you have are places in your memory that you can go to.” I am reminded of Little Kenny that united people of different tribes and religion.

I’m typing this post at 3.00 a.m and I just had my me-time where I talked to God. I have finally allowed myself to feel the loss, to let out the tear and to tell God thank You I was able to help. Truth is we all get to this phase in our lives. You invested a lot in a business a relationship or even the health of a loved one. Probably sleeping in the hospital and in most cases on the floor cos’ there was only one bed and you wake up one day and find out he/she is gone. I can never know how you feel but I know you made a change in the last days of the person, you gave hope, you often cracked a joke and even in the pain felt, a little giggle was heard. If you’ve lost someone I pray God comforts you in a way no one can, I pray you find the courage to grieve and not bottle up your emotions and I pray your strength will be revived in Jesus Name. And like Morris said “Many thanks, may God reward you for your support. You’re truly a God sent”.

Loads of Love


Photo Credit : Google Images

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Man in the 21st Century by Ogechi


So Much Noise!

There is a silent murmur and grumble along the aisle of manhood; people complaining about all the noise generated by certain “feminists”, many of whom do not even understand the feminism concept itself. Many of the menfolk who grew up in a culture of “the females are for the kitchen and the other room” are quietly getting worried about the feminist revolution and what might result.

On the other side of the divide are those who identify with the Revolutionists, many of them not having all the details of the course. Women, men, teenagers, old and young. A few of whom see this as a way of rebelling against religion. Yes, RELIGION, which all seem to share same views about woman / females and the need to keep them in submission / subjection. There is so much noise and no one is calm enough to seek better understanding of who the woman / female is.

Strangely, we will be looking at this totally from pictures painted by events in the scriptures. Stay with me to at least halfway. That’s all I ask.

Who is the Man?

First of all, God never named man “Man”. Adam did. The word Man (Ish) first appeared in the scriptures after the woman was created.

                “This is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman (ishah) for she came out of Man(ish)”

Before then, every mention of Man is actually “Adam”. And in Adam, God actually created male and female. Equal beings. No separation. Same roles.

So then, who is the Man? Let us first know the Woman.

The Woman here is the one that already has her “ish”. The issue of headship in a marriage was instituted for order. That does not define the female.

You can almost understand where I am going.

We have a being here who has dual role. In her relationship, she has a partner who by design and order is the head/face of that relationship.

To the world / society, she is a female, having same limelight, roles and capabilities as the male. Same strengths and weaknesses. Because, she and he are in “Adam”.

A lack of understanding of this drove the world into having the same roles assigned to the woman and the female. This is a grave error, and the crux of the matter. If there is an identity crisis, it should do with our perception of the woman / female.

Who is the Man in the 21st Century?

The man should first understand who the woman / female is. That makes his job easy.

Therefore, the physiologically balanced and happy 21st century man must understand that:

  • The male and female are same and equal in the society, sharing similar roles and capabilities and have nothing to do with gender;
  • The woman in the relationship is one who has chosen who is held responsible in her relationship This is purely for the sake of instituting order. If it does not suit her, she can just decide to remain only a female. A strong one at that;
  • The man in the society is not merely in competition with his kind, but with females too;
  • The man in the home / relationship will always be held responsible for outcomes in the home only, and not the society;
  • Society deals with male/female (simply called Adam) while the relationship / home deals with man and woman.

A man or woman that properly understands and embraces this knowledge will be better prepared for life in the 21st century.


Ogechi is my virtual friend but it feels like I’ve met him before. His family reminds me a lot of mine while i was growing up. He has three amazing Princesses and one Prince with a doting wife he adores. So when he talks about the Man, I listen cos’ he fully understands who he is and he is African too. He hasn’t let cultural, religious or social bias influence his thought pattern. Thank you Ogechi for showing the world we still have Men like you existing.

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Man in the 21st Century and the women who love them

It was one of those Sunday rides after Church Service with a friend. From discussing the sermon to a female friend of his. This shouldn’t make headlines but something he said struck a chord with me. This lady friend of his visited him in a “big” car and he found it threatening to men (Not him though, cos’ he wasn’t interested in her). He’s not alone in this line of thought, a colleague reiterated this claim when I mentioned the kind of cars I like. In his words “it will drive men away”.

Ursula von der Leyen, Nikki Haley, Chioma Ukonu. These names may just be other  names but look closely, Ursula is the German Minister of Defense, wife and mother to seven (7) children, Nikki is the US Ambassador to the UN, wife and mother of two while Chioma is running a foremost Nigerian Recycling Company with her husband and has three children. If you’re still wondering what my point is with all these information just stay with me a little longer.

I grew up in a home with just my two sisters, there was never a time the place of our gender affected what we could or could not do. We practically lived lives to the fullest, if we had to race the boys in our streets on our bikes we did, if we had to slide down on the corridor, we did just that. When it was time for undergraduate studies our gender wasn’t a determining factor ; we studied Metallurgical Engineering, Geophysics and Electrical Engineering respectively. All thanks to my Father and Mother who were the wind behind our wings and haven’t changed.

But I’ve often heard some comments from people when I run my ideas with them, you’re too ambitious, you’re a woman, you need to take it easy, and you’ll chase men away. I remember a guy asking me why I wasn’t a primary school teacher (this isn’t to undermine the teaching profession) to enable me come back from work around 2 p.m. to take care of my children. at that time he was a prospect and I asked him what of the father, his response “You’re an African woman, when you people travel abroad you forget this”.

Dear woman.jpg

In a conversation with an acquaintance the issue of the equality between male and female came up. He went straight to remind me he’s a Bible believing Christian by quoting “The woman should be submissive to the man” (he didn’t know where it was written in the Bible). On the premise of his sermon to him, he went further to say the woman is inferior to the man using the most appropriate illustration – Star Radler and 33 Star Lager Beer. The alcohol content is 2.00 and 5.10 percent respectively. Radler representing the women while 33 was for the men, I went on to ask him what content was more in the men. At the time of this writing he hasn’t given me an answer yet.

What does it mean to be an African woman? Are women truly inferior to men? What does the Bible mean in Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him” Genesis 5:1b – 2 “When God created man, He made him in the likeness of God. Male and Female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man…”. Can women break glass ceilings and still be wives and mothers for those who choose to? If these women are breaking glass ceilings do we have a generation of men who are threatened by them?

A man I respect said something profound. In the past, men were the hunters but now we have women who are going out to hunt too. The career path chosen by many women is giving them a platform they never had before. I know I was created for so much more, I’m trying to make sense of all of that and at the same time coming to terms with the reality that there’s really no limitation except the one I choose to place on myself as a result of Cultural or Social bias. In the next couple of days I’ll be putting up articles written by Men and Women on these issues. I hope this challenges what you have thought and believed both as a Man and Woman.

Loads of Love


Photo Credit : Google

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Is God dead?

Is God dead

Time Magazine 1966 cover page had the inscription ‘Is God dead’? A few years ago my local Church had a response for Time Magazine. It was our annual youth week; part of the activities lined up was to see a movie. God’s not dead was chosen, I hadn’t seen nor heard of it and a few adults were supposed to accompany them to the Cinema. A quick review on the movie left me disappointed, which influenced my decision not to go. Fast forward two weeks after the movie, I was told the same movie the youths saw will be the basis for our teaching in Church. Here I was without a clue of what happened in the movie and expected to start up a conversation/teach my students.

Thankfully someone had the movie and gave it to me, I reluctantly sat down to quickly run through the movie. Thirty minutes into the movie I gradually started to relax to watch it. Somehow my eyes gets a little moist when the debate between the Professor and his Student starts on the existence of God. The tears would eventually stream down during the rest of the movie. Deep issues on Christianity were asked, it was so appropriate for the youths as they try to make sense of their faith daily. I equally had to ask myself certain questions.

You’re probably wondering if we are about to have a religious/philosophical debate on the existence of God. Not really but stay with me a little longer. We have seen different names for various generations from Generation X, Y, Z and recently Alpha. While these names are separated by the years they occur, the 21st century introduced a phenomenon that transcends years. According to the International Telecommunications Union (ITU) the United Nations (UN) specialized agency for Information & Communication Technologies (ICT) at the end of 2016 seven billion people (95% of the global population) live in an area that is covered by a mobile-cellular network. Almost everyone has access to tons of information through the internet. While this should be a good trend it has a flip side.

Half truth

There’s an urgency to soak up a lot of information, hence we don’t have “time” to really understand one before moving to the next big news/headline. A new name has been coined, “The headline generation”, we are plagued with just reading the headlines or just a few lines of an article and we think it’s sufficient enough to draw conclusions or even make us experts in the subject matter. This has led to people using 140 characters to give misinformed information, and presidents of countries are not left out. This urgency has left us at the mercy of reviewers like in the case with my movie. Behind such reviews we forget one fundamental thing which is the criteria for reviewing. We definitely do not have a universal set of indicators for review, the reviewers have different influencing factors. Do we have a benchmark for reviewing information gotten from the internet?

Truth be told many of us have shared information we had not read entirely, we just see a catching headline and we share. Proverbs 18:13 MSG “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude” while AMP says he who answers before he hears the facts it is folly and shame to him”. Permit me to add he/she who reads a headline, a few lines and shares the information without having the facts is shameful.

Can we start to look beyond the headlines, whatever your headline is? Can we learn to dig beyond the surface? Can we be more patient to spend more time to understand why people act in a particular way? Can we wait a little longer before making a conclusion over what we heard a friend said about us? Can we truly be an enlightened generation not an illiterate-halftruth-misinformed-enlightened one? To respond to Time Magazine God is not dead, He’s living sitting in Heaven with Jesus Christ.

God is not dead.jpg

Loads of Love


 N/B A series on the Man in the 21st century and his role as we continue to see a shift in gender roles will be coming up next week. How do Men live with Women breaking glass ceilings? Both men and women will be writing in. I’m excited at the conversation it’ll generate.

Photo Courtesy: Google

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