Man in the 21st century by Nonso

It is on record that the 21st century accounts for major successes in the quest for women to take up roles that have previously been seen as roles for men. Although many successes have been recorded, there is still a lot of work to be done. The empowerment of women has tilted the power dynamics in such a way that has never been before. So, many men are yet to adjust to this modern reality – the reality that women are now getting the ‘power to choose’.

Identity in itself is derived from nature and nurture. While nature is driven by DNA, nurture is a chronic exposure to culture, religion and secular education which creates various predispositions. As an example; A male child born in Nigeria today is exposed to an environment that expressly or implicitly teaches him that he is somehow superior to a female. In saying this, the female is also conditioned as well into this ideology. This ideology is propagated openly or in very subtle ways throughout culture, religion and in secular spheres (like schools and workplaces). This ideology has been passed down through many generations of both males and females and to change it, we are saddled with the herculean task of re-educating living and upcoming generations of males and females. Note that both sexes are exposed to the same school of thought.

Men have always been the commandeers of the power of choice; and although men have been in this power business for a long time, we have not always taken responsibility for the power we possess because we never knew its purpose; so we abused it to the detriment of our women. One can evidently see that the identity problem of the male existed long before the movements for the empowerment of women.  However, it must also be clearly stated that women are currently experiencing power that is quite unfamiliar and this in itself is having a huge negative impact on families and the society at large because, just like men, power is being abused by women also. This may not be obvious in developing nations but more obvious in progressive societies.

I always asked myself; what should the end result look like having achieved a significant level of women empowerment? I believe the Key Performance Indicators should include; a happier generation of both sexes, reduced suicide rates and more stable families. But this is not the case in the 21st century. In this century, we have seen the highest divorce rate, highest emotional depression rates, and highest suicide rates ever in history. In as much as this century has recorded significant GDPs growths, increased production capacities, improved technologies etc., largely because both sexes are now involved in the major industries, we have also seen astonishing polarization of families.

The facts are self-evident and quite compelling; women in power did not cause the identity crisis we are seeing today in men. Also, if we pay close attention, we’ll see the same identity crisis in women. Hindsight teaches us that, when you give or take power away, you’ll always see the true nature of a human being.


Nonso is a fine gentleman and when I say gentle I mean even on the inside. While I have often seen the Identity crisis gradually gaining grounds in our men especially the young ones, he has brought up the identity crisis currently taking over women. What are we doing with the power of equality?

Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Man in the 21st Century by Ben

FB_IMG_1489421251132 (1)

The world is changing, human is evolving…….

In my view, who is the 21st century man?

He is one that recognizes that he is human and that’s it!

He understands that males & females are human and none is more superior than the other.

He is willing to lead or let another take the lead – male or female.

He is not threatened by the female species

He accepts that a female partner is a co-pilot and not a support or mere help. 

He understands that he is only half of the equation! She is the other half and no half is more important than the other.

He understands that submission is a 2-way street! We are submissive to each other.

A real man will empower his female partners, friends & relatives to grow!

He becomes the wind beneath their wings!

He allows a woman a voice – yes, she is human too!

“don’t argue with a woman” – that is a phrase he does not acquiesce to at all!

“she is only a woman” – that is a phrase he detests!

“women are the weaker vessels” – that is a phrase he doesn’t believe at all!

 For him, marriage is partnership! It is team work and all team members are equally important!

It is not a military camp where the man is the commandant!

He treats his wife with the same respect he accords his great friends.

He understands the significance of being nice over being right!

He engages reason – not sentiments or ego.

He takes charge – not take control!

So, we live in a world where many things are happening!

The real man’s job is to be a real man! And a real man evolves!


Ben is a man I admire, he’s married to a 21st century woman who is strong and has a thriving career. Ben is not threatened by his wife. Be like Ben


Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

If you knew?

It was a Saturday morning, while doing my laundry I remembered I had a couple of fabrics with my tailor. I immediately put a call to him, hoping to get a date to come pick up my completed clothes. A little digression, I have this loving relationship with my tailor; Morris. We’ve had this thriving relationship since 2010 (It’s unusual to keep a relationship that long with tailors). I haven’t been able to patronize any other one in my city. In the midst of the many disappointments with tailors he has managed to keep ours hot with his creativity.

But on this particular Saturday, Morris wasn’t too excited on the phone, his wife had had a miscarriage a while ago which I was aware of but was having some complications coupled with the unending bleeding. I had never heard Morris that scared before, in his words “Madam CJ, I don’t want my wife to die”. She needed a surgery and he wasn’t able to foot the bill, while he was running off the phone to go raise the money something prompted me to help. I sent some money, he wasn’t expecting it cos’ he didn’t ask me for help (thankfully I already had his account details). Oh!!! he was excited when he called me that evening, thinking back I think he was both stunned and shocked.

I was already looking forward to hearing from him that his wife was back home. On Tuesday I had a language exam, just finished the first part and waiting for the next stage. I get a notification on whatsapp “I have lost my wife, she died on Friday last week. May her soul rest in peace IJN”. Oh dear!!! I instantly felt angry and then empathy for Morris and his cute 20 month old son. I was angry cos’ I knew how much he tried to save his wife. I remembered the fear he had of loosing her. I remembered all the money raised to perform the surgery. I was silently angry at God He didn’t help her. In the midst of all of those emotions I hear my silent question “If I knew she wasn’t going to survive would I have still helped him”?

Me before you

I have often wondered why a family would keep one on life support even when the doctor has said the patient is unresponsive, why a mother would go the extra length to give birth to a child the doctor has said doesn’t stand a chance of survival as a result of a health condition. I saw the movie Me before You and I could see how much Will’s parents were willing to give their son the best after his accident. “I will never, ever regret the things I’ve done. Because most days, all you have are places in your memory that you can go to.” I am reminded of Little Kenny that united people of different tribes and religion.

I’m typing this post at 3.00 a.m and I just had my me-time where I talked to God. I have finally allowed myself to feel the loss, to let out the tear and to tell God thank You I was able to help. Truth is we all get to this phase in our lives. You invested a lot in a business a relationship or even the health of a loved one. Probably sleeping in the hospital and in most cases on the floor cos’ there was only one bed and you wake up one day and find out he/she is gone. I can never know how you feel but I know you made a change in the last days of the person, you gave hope, you often cracked a joke and even in the pain felt, a little giggle was heard. If you’ve lost someone I pray God comforts you in a way no one can, I pray you find the courage to grieve and not bottle up your emotions and I pray your strength will be revived in Jesus Name. And like Morris said “Many thanks, may God reward you for your support. You’re truly a God sent”.

Loads of Love


Photo Credit : Google Images

Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Man in the 21st Century by Ogechi


So Much Noise!

There is a silent murmur and grumble along the aisle of manhood; people complaining about all the noise generated by certain “feminists”, many of whom do not even understand the feminism concept itself. Many of the menfolk who grew up in a culture of “the females are for the kitchen and the other room” are quietly getting worried about the feminist revolution and what might result.

On the other side of the divide are those who identify with the Revolutionists, many of them not having all the details of the course. Women, men, teenagers, old and young. A few of whom see this as a way of rebelling against religion. Yes, RELIGION, which all seem to share same views about woman / females and the need to keep them in submission / subjection. There is so much noise and no one is calm enough to seek better understanding of who the woman / female is.

Strangely, we will be looking at this totally from pictures painted by events in the scriptures. Stay with me to at least halfway. That’s all I ask.

Who is the Man?

First of all, God never named man “Man”. Adam did. The word Man (Ish) first appeared in the scriptures after the woman was created.

                “This is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman (ishah) for she came out of Man(ish)”

Before then, every mention of Man is actually “Adam”. And in Adam, God actually created male and female. Equal beings. No separation. Same roles.

So then, who is the Man? Let us first know the Woman.

The Woman here is the one that already has her “ish”. The issue of headship in a marriage was instituted for order. That does not define the female.

You can almost understand where I am going.

We have a being here who has dual role. In her relationship, she has a partner who by design and order is the head/face of that relationship.

To the world / society, she is a female, having same limelight, roles and capabilities as the male. Same strengths and weaknesses. Because, she and he are in “Adam”.

A lack of understanding of this drove the world into having the same roles assigned to the woman and the female. This is a grave error, and the crux of the matter. If there is an identity crisis, it should do with our perception of the woman / female.

Who is the Man in the 21st Century?

The man should first understand who the woman / female is. That makes his job easy.

Therefore, the physiologically balanced and happy 21st century man must understand that:

  • The male and female are same and equal in the society, sharing similar roles and capabilities and have nothing to do with gender;
  • The woman in the relationship is one who has chosen who is held responsible in her relationship This is purely for the sake of instituting order. If it does not suit her, she can just decide to remain only a female. A strong one at that;
  • The man in the society is not merely in competition with his kind, but with females too;
  • The man in the home / relationship will always be held responsible for outcomes in the home only, and not the society;
  • Society deals with male/female (simply called Adam) while the relationship / home deals with man and woman.

A man or woman that properly understands and embraces this knowledge will be better prepared for life in the 21st century.


Ogechi is my virtual friend but it feels like I’ve met him before. His family reminds me a lot of mine while i was growing up. He has three amazing Princesses and one Prince with a doting wife he adores. So when he talks about the Man, I listen cos’ he fully understands who he is and he is African too. He hasn’t let cultural, religious or social bias influence his thought pattern. Thank you Ogechi for showing the world we still have Men like you existing.

Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment