I met Enyinna in the University; he is quite an unconventional guy. Guess you’ll find out while reading his story.
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Søren Kierkegaard. This is my feeble attempt to try and understand life backwards as I take an introspective look at the year 2013. The name is Enyinna Abazie, a fellow traveller on this cosmic rock called planet earth.
I will first start off with the positives. As at the end of 2012 I was jobless and pretty much very broke. I earnestly sought a job and in the beginning of 2013 I got one by the mercies of God, the pay was not so good, but it was a relief to leave home every morning and get a pay check at the end of the month. Then later in the year, at around April, I left that place (an engineering firm) for a job at a bank. As an engineer this was a really big step for me, but the truth is I was largely motivated by the fatter pay check (I know this smacks of greed) and some other issues.
All in all I am grateful to God for the increased source of income. I was able to Pay rent for the first time in my life and pick up some of the bills which my mom had previously been doing since the death of my dad. Another good thing that happened this year was the wedding of my elder sister. Both the traditional and church wedding were a success, it was not easy, but am happy she has found her soul mate.
Now to the negatives. I experienced a near collapse of the most important relationship I’ve had in my life. The relationship with my creator; It all started with the new job, I had to go to training school for close to three months. It was very intensive and we had weekly tests. I gave up praying time and devotion time. I guess the extra income also contributed, for I had much more money to blow. I had started to hang out with a lot of my colleagues, we went to bars and pretty much drank ourselves to stupor on numerous occasions. From there on everything just went down south.
Why my relationship with God is so important to me is that God is the only kind of being that can love me unconditionally, and secondly the only Being that can show me what true love is. You see our love is usually conditional and based upon how other people behave toward us. This kind of love is based upon familiarity and direct interaction. The Greek word “Phileo” defines this kind of love, often translated “brotherly love.” Phileo is a soulish (connected through our emotions) kind of love – something that can be experienced by both believers and non-believers. This is in contrast to agape, which is love extended through the spirit. Agape love requires a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, since the non-regenerated soul is unable to love unconditionally. Agape love gives and sacrifices expecting nothing back in return. That’s why I am still single, and will be for some time, for I am learning how to love like God and also looking for a soul who can love the same way.
I think the worst experience for me this year was the death of my friend and colleague from training school. He died in an auto crash last week. It came as a total shock to me, that someone I had talked to the previous day was just gone in a flash. But that experience also woke me up from my spiritual slumber. I have been reminded that this life is fleeting and time is running out. In the end the only things that matter are the things we do for God, for those are the things that will last for eternity.
As I look backwards, I thank God for his mercy, and I am reminded of the words of 1 John 10:4 “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” As regards 2014, all I can say is what James does in his 4th chapter in verses 13-15: “13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”